Why are you able to make me laugh so much and make me smile like mad but then suddenly your such a knob and then the next thing you act like I've done something then the next you seem to really like me?! Why do you have to be so confusing!!!!???? Jeeeeze you seriously are just a girl on her period! I like talking to you and I miss you when we don't talk... I know I shouldn't because its you. Of all people. You.... But I do, I can't avoid it any more. Maybe I read too much into it but at times it seems like you miss me as much as I miss you? Is it all a game? An act? I don't even know why you talk to me tbh... I mean every other lass you could be talking to and you talk to me, of all people you talk to me... For hours, I look forward to our conversations, always have done. What am I suppose to do when you realise that I'm really a loser and you don't want to talk to me anymore? I don't want to loose you, our conversations or every single insult... But I'm sure you'll see soon enough that I'm a waste of your time... Or maybe you already have done and you just talk to me because you have nothing better to do?
Great. -.- now you've made me paranoid!

Smile

I can smile again! I can smile knowing that I dont have to think about how I like my best friend! My life is good... My friends are as amazing as ever, I'm living my life the way I want and Im happy. Its been a while since I've been able to say that I'm happy but there it is.... I'm happpppy! :D I don't want things to change and I defiantly don't want a boy in my life. I have the people I need with me, I don't need to have someone interfering   with that :D Smileee all daaaaaaaaaay :D :D :D

If it was meant to be, it would have happened by now after all this time... If things were meant to be fixed it would have been fixed by now... Im done trying to talk to you, Im done with you if your done with me. Im glad i have my friends who have been there for me through anything and you cant be my friend much less talk to me when one thing is said to you well fine you do that. When your ready to talk to me again I'll talk to you don't think I won't but im not about to keep fussing over you right now. Cheerio :D

Not too much?

Is it so wrong for me to want someone to call me beautiful? For someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay? Someone who isn't my friend to tell me they love me? If its not wrong for me to want this... why can't i have it? Why do i have to sit around and see everyone happy? Why do i have to see everything i want happen to everyone around me? Would someone just answer me?
Have you ever felt alone in a room full of people? I have... I do all the time and i think its about time to stop feeling alone when im surrounded by my friends! Its not much to ask really... I just want someone special, who can make me smile at nothing, who can trust me and most of all someone who actually wants to be with me... I don't think its too much to ask for so why can't I have it?!

trust...?!

Well that didn't go at all how I imagined the different outcomes.... So now you know the 'big' secret... happy? Cos I know im not. I took a risk to prove that i trust you and now look... you wont even talk to me... Im too stubborn to talk to you first and I can guess your not about to talk to me either.... I dont even know wht to do now... Before i told you i could pretend it wasn't real and tht it didnt matter, well now i have to face everything i have to wake up and realise that i might loose you. I didn't picture it happening like this, You were either suppose to tell me you felt the same or that you didn't feel the same but it didnt matter and we could still be friends.... but i guess thats not how its suppose to go is it? I wish it was but reality has hit me and I now wish i could take back last night and stop it all from coming out... If im going to loose you as one of my best friend I want to fight first, i want to try to make you stop leaving me, i want to fight for the friendship we had and i most of all want to fight for you. I trust you 100 percent and i always have done, telling you this hasn't proved to me that i trust you i already knew that, and now i don't even know if your my friend much less trust me. I dont care that were not together because your friendship has always meant more to me, so just because I want more doesn't mean it has to be more... I dont think i want to lose my friend over me wanting more so dont let it happen that way?

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Poems an tingss....

-My Lights On

My tummy's up in knots,

My pillow full of tear drops.

Not enough strength anymore

To just close the door

On you,

But this is what I knew.

I am my self 

When im with you, but im just on your shelf.

You make me smile

And feel good every once in a while,

But when I look,

When I look close, I see im just hung on a hook.

Locked somewhere deep inside you

Thats where I was threw.

You can play your game,

I'll just wait for your flame,

To see im here

And always been near.

Wait for you to see

I was here all along

And you were wrong.

I don't know

When your show

Is going to drop.

I can't stop,

My mind

From being blind

To what I've been shown

But I know in every bone.

Ill still hope

And hold onto the rope

That has found its way 

To you, bound you like clay.

Im affected by you more than

You think I am.

I'll keep my light on

Even when your gone.

-Heart Crying.

My heart pounds

And all sounds

Dissolve away

When I see your face each day.

My heart crys on a night

And I don't think I can win this fight

Raging inside me

I just want to flee.

My heart whispers 

Your name and each time it triggers

The sleeping hope

That you'll notice me, I can't cope.

My hearts always been waiting

For someone to stop the shaking

Within my every bone

It just needs a way to be shown.

My heart crumbles

And my foot steps become stumbles.

It turns to dust 

And I'm blown away in a gust.

My heart falls down

And I think I might drown.

The tears from my heart

Surrond me now and I can't find the start.

My heart is set on cry

I don't know what else to try.

I'll put on my show 

For you until I can find a new flow...